Posted on Friday, July 13, 2007, at 10:16 PM
from last month ,i dread to wake up everyday .
i wished i wouldn't wake up at all .
a new day , a new start ,
the old pain , the old ache .
is so dreadful .
i hate to face the day .
in the night , i loath the silence .
the darkness , the coldness .
the tears that kept on flowing ,
crying myself to sleep .
all to myself .
i hate everday that i exsist ,
cause is nothing but misery .
i am so grateful to my friend ,
every single one who help me .
even a "take care" was too true for me .
i thank them for that .
so much so much loves .
till , i have to repay them ,
i put on daily facade ,
i took my meals ,
i acted nonchalance to everything .
like as if i don't even care ,
but who knows ?
but still ,
is for them , is for me ,
lastly is for him too .
if i don't stay strong ,
then who's gonna be there for him when he needs someone ?
ME .
i no longer know who i am ,
what i am doing , what i am talking .
i do things for the sake of it ,
even is not necessary i just do it .
as much as i dislike it ,
i just do it .
no longer for the love for it .
i got no more drive .
so much that i cant even think properly .
making stupid decision everyday .
i get really high at times ,
and the other second i just get so down .
don't ask me why .
maybe i had got split personality .
really .
i had no determination to forget about this at all ,
but i got determination to help him .
that's all .
to me , you are not once a baby boy ,
caused in my eye ,
you are all a men should be .
i learnt alot from you too .
i finally know how to give ,
and not to take .
i gave in alot ,
like i never did before .
it was a learning for me .
i know to me this is going to be a fall ,
but to you it is a regret .
for now , i will wait till i enter a new world .
hope you can slow down to 130km/h
before i leave for a new world .
anytime .
loves (: