walao .
i am desperate for money la ~
okay ,
though i am very busy for work ,
but i haven receive any pay yet .
and i am getting sick of work .


work is all about ,
repeating the same old stuffs again and again .
hurhur .
i really need my pay ,
and is still a long long way .

T.T



who says that silence wishes will be answered ?
mine didn't .
you lied to me ,
the man up there .
i want to see him , really .

oh yea .
happy birthday to my dearest dearest sister .

thank you so much for what you did for me all these years .
since the day i was born till now ,
you had been taking care of me .
i always remember the time when i had fever ,
you stayed up whole night to take care of me .
i always remember the breakfast you made for me .
i know how i irritated you by ,
stealing your clothings to wear ,
sometimes even dirty it .
and never once you were angry with me .
i thank you so much for everything you did ,
to me you are not only my sister ,
but you are already my mother .
and i really thank you so much for being part of my life ,
so much for loving me ,
though i was so irritating ,
pissing you off every single time ,
but i know you still love me ,
as much as i do .
words cant say how grateful i am to you ,
but i hope one day ,
i have the chance to repay you ,
happy birthday to you ,
and may you have a blissful and happy life ahead (:
xoxo .


okay .
enough of those . HAHA .
life had been busy .
and i am so popular among kids uh .
HAHAHA .
nothing much .
just working working and working .
i was to buy the diamond ring ,
real diamond ,
it cost like 2999 ?
AHAHAH

my friends miss me ,
i miss you guys too :D
meet up someday
:)

don't love me for fun ,
let me be the one ,
love me for a reason ,
let the reason be love . :D

Everything is getting complicated .
the world itself is .
and i hate it .

somehow ,
i want to get out .






ohmygod ,
is the random feelings again .
but , IDC .

i'm loving the ulcer man .
especially ,
when i rub salt on to it .
yes ah ~

flu fever cough .
now i know the consequences of lack of sleep .
D:

you know what ,
this is so fun .



is too late , everything is too late .
is never gonna be the same again .
for one thing sure ,
i'll never be the same again

soar throat , fever , flu .
bad diet , resulting in bad stomach .
feeling damn paranoid now .

nothing much matters .
when the kids start to play ,
when the starts to ring .


busybusybusybusy ,
thinking whether i am enjoying this life ?
er nope ,
basically ,
i did everything for no reason .
yes no reason .
money ? perhaps .





bring me back to the times ,
when everything was true ,
where there was once you&me .
and everything else does really matter .

jie guo lei jie guo lei ~

haha :D

bbq was a blast .
eh bitches
including ,
WENDII CLARA GRACE RENYI
SHAN FELI JAS MR CHOW MR TAN
although it was raining ,
is was still fun alright ?!
so clara STFU ,
don't say it was a failure ,
though leong did get scoldings from renyi .
HAHA .
everything went fine ,
although it was raining ,
but hey !
our bbq pit's area did not rain ,
yea did not .
HAHA .

started work .
quite alright .
a month only ,
and after that ,
will be working as a pap teacher ?
woo ~

band , phone , band , phone ,
ya my life revolves around this 2 .
:D

okay .
i only into money now .
no money no talk .
i just want money ,
and money only , cause ...
money is my only love
:D

AI , AIAIAI ,

oh dear .

after much preparation for my holidays ,
i realised it is fully planned .
is like , i had got not much free time .
everyday i will be working till 9 .
saturday and sunday is like totally burn .
having 2 jobs really takes up my time .
still thinking where to slot my jap and voluntary work .
oh well .
Just for the fun and money ,
i shall endure :D

And guessed what ?!
dad says he is going to pay my jap course .
i thought i had to pay myself ,
so yeap save 300 bucks :D
LULALALALALA .

went canossa convent today .
cute kids .
age of only 8 years old .
and they play well .
very well .
and i love being adressed as
jiejie joey .
HAHAHA .
after that went to get bbq ingredients ,
and started preparing everything for tommorrow .
so damn .
feeling fucking tired now ,
only had like 3 hours of sleep .

tommorow will be worst .
whole day long .
damn la ~
wednesday start of work .

only like this ,
i can numb myself ,
just to forget you .
but no matter how tired i get ,
i just cant sleep .
i hoped the amount of voluntary work hours ,
can help up alittle ,
like your safety :D
loves <3

omgod .
i slept for like 14 hours .
i slept from 4 am to 6 pm .
hahs .

nowadays ,
my life is totally unhealthy .
like ,
prata super till 1 plus 2 .
then sleeping at 4 .
then the following day ,
no food at all ,
or i will be down for band .
or going out with friends .
and so .
is so so so not healthy .

fuck man .
the fucking jap school closed early today .
so sad .
nehmind , i shall ask tomorrow :D

i am going to fill every single day of my holiday .
next week will be a hectic week i guessed .
tues is our bbq .
omgosh so excited !!
!@#@!#$@#$%@$

so what should i wear tommorrow ?
damn la .
i haven wash my clothings yet .
and i got like a pile of unwashed clothes .
i hate wearing jeans .
D:

i would like to order a cup of MASH potato please .

oh yea .
found my voluntary work place .
at henderson child care centre .
oh well .
so happy .
:D
is at bukit timah ,
but is alright ,
since is for good deeds .
:D



please hope that i really really ,
can get in !
i want to spread lovesssssssssss .

happy birthday leongjiaqianRACHEL .
when the clock strikes 12 ,
the mini surprise starts at the prata shop .
and leong's face was smashed with cake .
hahs .


tommorrow out for good food ?
yeap :D



you know what ?
i now do .

you know what .
it really activated me .

i insist to escape from reality now .
YEA .


you ugly piece of motherfucking bitch .
i hate you i hate you i hate you .
if anything happen to him ,
you are so gonna get it .
i curse you ,
to hell .
and everything .
a fucking 16 dun even know how to think .
dressed up like a prositute ,
don't even have any sense of fashion .
oi .
fashion is not about dressing little okay ?
you fucking bitch ,
i think from your head to toe ,
is all fake .
and you know what ,
your clothings and all cant even buy one of my top .
nabei cb .

okay ,
i am being exaggerating .
and yes again .
i am venting .
nope cursing and swearing that bitch .

oh yea oh yea .
feeling tired .
but not really going to sleep .
don't know why .

oh yea oh yea .
i found 3 japanese school .
and i am elated .
you know like finally .
i want to learn means i want okay !
fees are ex .
like $373 for 12 lessons .
XD

after i settled that ,
voluntary work shall fall in place .
but first i need my job done soon .
well actually ,
i'm working already .
just that i haven get my pay .
and one more is on the way .
getting many many jobs .
those one or two days jobs :D

woo .
was really lucky to have this ,
10$ per hour job .
and i only got to teach saxophone .
so is easy !
:D
next will be the phone call job .
hope it'll be successful uh .
and next january ,
i will be a teacher .
okay not really .
just teaching small kids of the age of 3 !
i love kids ,
and i am intending to have one next year ,
HAHA :D

oh well .
actually my life is not that pathetic .
i had much funs and laughters in the day .
when i am out with friends .
and not one day i am bored or what .
really .
like you know ,
having movie marathon ,
swimming ,
running ,
saxophone-ing ,
shopping ,
and everything .

like there are many accompanies around me ,
and i am glad .
even i am at home ,
i got this stupid bro for me to disturb ,
or i will be down with cousin .
so life is still pretty fun .

is still that ,
that i am in for .
but it will be over soon isn't it ?

i really do need you .
i hope you read this and call me soon .
cause never once i lied ,
everything here is true .
i swear to you .

oh yea .
for all you know .
the blog is not only about ,
me me me and ME .

sometimes take it as a general example .
and most probably ,
it helps .
cause i ain't talking nonsense .
seahshiyun doesn't talk nonsense .
oh well does she ?

went back loyang .
played my saxophone .
saprano sax .
whao .
it had been ages since i came for band ,
scold the band ,
conduct the band
and lastly
combined with them .
:D

well , i guessed i didn't change at all .

went down to nco .
fucking hell at yishun .
cabbed down to nee soon camp .
fucking far .
T.T
nco was great .
love the songs .
:D

oh well .
many asked if i am having split personality .
yes yes yes .
i seemed very okay and happy outside ,
and fucking emo here .
if i cant even vent it here ,
then where can i vent it at ?
you ? you ? you ? or YOU ?
no right .
so obviously ,
i got to vent it out .

and even i say things out ,
what can you do ?
what can i do ?
nothing . precisely .
then so stfu .
is like the same old lines which i know .
but i want answers and not advises .

back then in sec 3 ,
i complained and whine about stuffs .
like how busy i was and blahblahblah .
that was mentally tired .
i can get free from it easily .
but now i am emotionally tired .
get what i mean ?
is not just ya ,
forget it .
so don't ask me to .
cause is impossible right ?

you know ,
getting kill instantly ,
without knowing the answer .
would you rest in peace ?
and the reason for the murder ,
is not because you are bad ,
cause you're perfect .
who the fuck can take that ?
i cant .

so just let me be .
perhaps ,
i might have split personality ,
i just don't want my friends to be sad .
i want everyone to be happy .
caused that what i do best .
if you don't let me do it ,
then what else can i do ?
i don't know .

so this blog is just for rantings
and scoldings .
who know .
a couples of months ,
when i am really free from my emotion setbacks .
i might delete this blog and create a new one .
like :
www.seahshiyunisreallyhappy.blogspot.com .
who knows .

like i say ,
i wouldn't show people the weakness of mine ,
the tears and sadness of mine .
cause is not meant to be seen .
is for someone special to see .
so take me as i am .

so answer ,
now you see i am happy ,
and now you don't .
do you know what to do ?
fuck your mother's pussy .

好累 。
真想一辈子睡下去，
不起来，算了。

我能一辈子做我要的梦吗？
可以吗？
世界上有没有仙丹，
让我忘掉所有的东东。
或，
让我麻木哪种东东咯。
那我就不会在有感情了。
而发生的每一件事，
我都不会伤心，
对了，一定不会伤心！

哈哈。
我像在开玩笑吗？
那，哪一种神能帮帮我啊？

或许我只须要你。
不，我行的。

i wish i ain't this tall .
i wish i ain't this capable .
i wish i ain't this independant .
i wish i ain't this perfect .
i wish i ain't this strong .


i can be dumb forever .
i can be wheelchair bound forever .
i can be an idiot forever .
i can be a kid forever .


if all this can you grow .
if all this can make you better .
if all this can make you understand .
if all this can make you love me alittle more .

i'm willing .
perhaps .
is meanings in life so important ?
if not , why am i believeing in it so much ?
perhaps .
just money and appearance ?
no meaning .
that's life .
then what's your life .
and what's my life ?
what do i excatly want now ?

i am a 16 not a 6 .
i should be clear of what i want .
i should be strong and not down .
but so much things just so make me down .

oh well .
life .
everyone claims .
who's life is worst off than who's ,
and everybody whinning .
ever put yourself in other shoes ?
the opposite party's shoe ?


Each party putting on their own tales .
Each party having their own thinking ,
Each party acting a brave front .


Truth might probably be the thing .
you know ?
it solves everything .
things wouldn't be so much complicated .

nothing much .
been such a long time since i play saxophone .
went down to sac .
at least the section likes me .
hahs .
hope i can really make them improve .
:D

went down to meet marc , chris and louis .
went town .
my leg was like fucking pain .
and tht stupid chris like stepped on my feet twice .
so feel like smashing his face .
hahs .
bought 4 shirts .
and i spend my money like fuck .
2 days ?
150 bucks gone .
on i don't know what .
shucks .
damn shag .
when am i getting my pay ?
hahs XD


sort things out with dad .
many things happening .
i cant really manage .
but well i think i got to .
whatever it takes , i still have to .
such a life .
what a life .
is my life .


tomorrow will be running .
i need to make myself tired again .
if not i'll be having hell .
:D

i'll be holding back my tear ,
even though my heart is slowly drowning .
or should i say ,
it has drowned ?


ahhh .
DIE UH ALL DIE LAHS .

game plan .
great movie .
gonna watch second time ?
haha .
:D

nothing much these few days .
prata every midnight .
i'm getting fat .
well .
what to do ?
nothing to do ????
blahblahblah .



you are the most wonderful that had ever happened .
would you believe me ?
oh i doubt so .
cause not once you did .
you thought i would be better of without you .
but you are so fucking wrong .
cause you never know how i feel .
i feel so miserable .
if i can accept the differences ,
then why cant you have the BALLS to accept it too ?
but whatever it is .
i rest my case .
whatever it is .
i'll just be waiting .
i hope i can be here for you .
at any time .
and not her .
not HER .
you know the skinny bag of bones ?
the one you know keep hanging out with .
nbcb GROSS .



when will mirical happened ?
or never will it ?

woohoo .
happy birthday to me
:D

thanks for all the wishings .
greatly appreciated .
everyone is so loves .
even those who never wish me .
cause i know in your heart ,
you would !

HAHAH .
such a cute person's birthday ,
who will ever forget .
AWW ~!
hahah

bye .
birthday wish :
may i strike lottery .
or pick up a million on my way back .
may you pick yourself on your way back .
i'll exchange that for you .

didn't sleep for many days .
feeling very tired .
many thing cropped up these few days .
among myself and family .
glad that things are rather fine now .
:D


went fishing today .
and is tiring yet fun .
hahs .
saw some unpleasant sight ,
i would be happy if i see one person ,
but not two .
had been reading that dumb blog .
and is totally pissing me off .
fucking gross .
boy ke lan .
seriously .
why cant you be like what you used to be ?
are you sure that's what you want ?
can you at least use your fucking brain to think .
your brain is for fuck .
yes it is for that purpose .
damn .


everything is killing me softly .
slowly but surely .
and i wouldn't know what i want
cause i am more than confused .
tell me what you want .
so i know what to do .
stop doing all these to yourself .
stop torturing yourself .
cause is killing me .
you motherfucker .


you know ?
i don't know ?
i don't know if you know ,
and you know i don't know ,
then tell me what you know and i don't know ,
so at least i will know what you know .

FUCK .
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME ?!

I Don't Care .
Shut The Fuck Up .
Fuck Off And Eat Shit .

or just cant be bothered .
lets not give two hoots .


byebye .

i am troubled .
but i don't know what trouble it is .
motherfuck .
i sense something big is coming up .
but i don't know what .
fatherfuck .
i thought it was because my room was messy ,
so i threw away all my textbooks .
sisterfuck .
and then after my room is cleared ,
i still doesn't feel happy .
brotherfuck .
so i thought was because i haven get what i wanted yet ,
so i went to get as soon as possible .
but still i'm not happy enough .
unclefuck .
another thought came ,
perhaps is because i haven clear my debt ,
so i went to clear .
auntyfuck .
then i thought cause i ran out of clothings to wear ,
but i discover a whole load of new clothings i haven wear
chucked in my cupboard .
still i went shopping .
nothing caught my eye .
grandpafuck .
then i thought the reason must be ,
because i am not full .
ate at swense but i ain't statisfied .
grandmafuck .

end of story .
i still don't know whats wrong with me .

sometime is fine acting you're fine with everything .
sometime is fine acting like you're fine .
sometime is fine being someone that is fine .
sometime is fine thinking everyone is fine .
sometime is fine smiling like you are fine .
sometime is fine enjoying the pain thinking is fine .

is it fine missing someone what is fine ?
is it fine loving someone who is not fine ?

is it fine ?
are you fine ?
am i fine ?
will thing turns out fine ?
what's fine will be fine ?
can i turn something not fine to be fine ?

i think youre really not fine reading this .
cause i am not feeling fine when i am typing this .
mother,father,brother,sister,uncle,aunty,grandpa,grandma FUCK

yes .
i managed to kiao alot !
oh yea oh yea .

butbut .
my complexion is getting worst .
and my hair is short .
yes short .
my fringe is also short .
eh NO !
is fucking short !

damn la .
is really short .
so fucking short .

damn .
but nehmind .
i had my new handphone and contacts lo .
wee .
and i am waiting for my psp slim .
ohhhhh .
let's KIAO .

:D
bbq on .
oh i cant wait .
and i can get to see the sun rise .
like finally .

pure geo ppr 1 .
yes .

lady's luck is smiling at me .
wao .
didn't expect myself to me so accurate .
this i made a killing .
hope is a huge one .
:D

okay .
today mark the end of my studies life .
well not really .
but at least i don't have to memorise essays
from 4 different subjects .
no more .
those mathematical calculations and stuffs .
all gone .
kind of sad .

oh well .
everything ends here .
a fullstop to my fairytales .
and i am entering the third phrase in my life .
abit reluctant ,
but people have to move on eventually .


i wish for a timemachine .
give it to me will you ?

today is sunday
tommorow is monday .
ss and bio .
i really cant wait .
and fuck .
bio starts at around 2 !!
motherfuck .
this is the first time i am so nervous la .
cause of this two hell paper .
i had got NO MORE PAPER .
which marks the end of o's ,
but still .
i had got pure geo ppr 1 and bio ppr 1 .
well .
there's still time i guess .

i had so many things to do .
haircut .
facial .
pack my room .
slim down .
sun tan .
buy new handphone .
new computer .
decorate my room .
do a painting of my own .
bbq .
job .
dance .
jap language .
voluntary work .
shopping :D
movie marathon .
swimming .

WALAOOOOOO .
too many laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa .
oh yea .
my birthday is coming .
1111 .
i am not really looking foward to it .
perhaps present ,
skipped the celebration .
i am not on at all .

guys . present .
buy me something i love .
and i can really used .
skipping the meanings and all .
it doesnt matter much .

one last chance .
one last gamble .
one last risk .


Game on .
i shall own .
is a huge gamble .
a huge loss or a huge win .
fate decides .

oh .
didn't attend pure physic today .
and it was a wise decision ,
cause they said it was a tough paper .
and i doubt even if its easy ,
i'll be able to do it .

so reasons for not taking ,
firstly is pure laziness ,
secondly is not prepared at all .
so i rather don't take .
is so not me la .
i always try to put my effort ,
but this time round i gave up .
fuck .
perhaps i dun wan to go to a war
which i am not confident at all .

well .
forget it .


oh damn .
pure bio .
not prepared .
T.T
ss would be worst .
fuck .


the world is so fuck .
with fuckup people .