My fucking brain is not fucking functioning.
i am fucking annoyed by fucking small things now.
i fucking cant fucking think well,
and now i fucking am feeling not fucking well.

and i fucking just want to fuck around so much,
just fuck around and die, cause nobody gonna give a fuck damn.

and life fucked me up, so what the fucking point.
i fucking tell you, it fucking hurts.

Sometimes When We Touch(Dan Hill )
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
At times I'd like to break you And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you And I see how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

there's something i really need to say, but i know i can't.

i really cant.


i just want to let it go but i cant, cause is haunting me.
everyday and night.

I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes. There's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there.
I'm sorry for blaming you, for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you. Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit. Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss. You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself. If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.

and, i've hurt myself, by hurting you.

How can we be true to many different people at different time?
Then what is true then?
Are we truthful to ourselves?



who is true to us, and who are we true to?
am i even true to myself?
are you even true to yourself?
if you ain't true, then life will never get through.

And true love happens once, once you lost it,
it never will happen.
cause we can only be true once.

Even though there is difficulties between us,
in the night, you're still the one i think of.

Because im willing to.
hold me tight.

i fucking lost.
i lost everything.

i fucking hate everything.

i fucking hell want to break free.
i cant. i really cant.


idk whats wrong.
i really dont.

IDK.

Just tell me why is it so?

tell me why did you choose to leave like this.

Stand up and admit,tomorrow's never coming.

This is the new shit.

Stand up and admit.

Do we get it? No.

Do we want it? Yeah.

And now it's "you know who"

I got the "you know what"

I stick it "you know where"

You know why, you don't care.

Do you still remember
the candles which lit up on your door steps?
Those roses which tell you, life ain't like a bed of roses?

Do you still remember
the panadol, prata and breakfast.
cheesehotdog and pepsi.

so much i want to tell you,
you were a blessing to me,
my heart belongs to you,
but it seems like you've forgotten everything.
It was a grave misunderstanding.

imybadly.

The pain grow stronger.
i wish i could stop it.


Where's my angel.

i'm willing to shortern my life,
in exchange of happiness and success of my love ones.

i'n willing to exchange my health for my grandma's one.

i'm willing to give up my life,
for your life.

Through early morning fog
I see Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realise and I can see...
I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate

The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin but...
That suicide is painless

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are the key
Is it to be or not to be and I replied 'oh why ask me?

Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it
if I please ...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Still in the loving memory of me and you.


how can i ever replace that?

How many times must you fail in life,
to understand the importance of success?

give it a break.
i'm feeling terrible.
i'm needing you right now.

It's empty.

Fill me up.

Forever love.
you ask me what is love?
i'll tell you, it is you.

i would use my whole life to just love you.
i would want to die a painless death.


i dont want to feel pain.
feeling pain before death, is the most miserable thing in life.

i'm feeling like shitzxz.

FUCK!
it says it all.


i miss you, i really do.

in some point in life, some people try to find the defination of life.
however. they dont realise in the mean point of finding life,
they lost their true self.

on the other hand,
some people seek for them ownself,
they want to know which is the true them,
but they again dont realise, before they find their true self,
they lost their life.

this is my life and myself.
i lost my life, you.
whats more?

if i just lay here,
would you lay with me and just forget the world.


Forget the world, forget myself,
never forgetting you.

Numb off.
ya, will not be extremly sad, but definitely cant be extremly happy.

i see myself, walking toward a no return.
the route just goes on and on.
till i meet you there, and we shall return back.


how long more, will it all comes to an end.
A story always tell how it starts and how it ends.
what a person faced in their difficult times,
however, they never state the emotion pain they faced in night,
the emotion struggles that is going on,
cause nobody knows.
and they think it'll be heal after the end.

it was once so true, and forever i'll remain true.

An attic full of recollection of ups, a basement habouring implication of downs.

Facade, probably life.

Extreme Pain.

losing controls, i cant hold on.
Now i understand, i really do.

So feel like ending, but there is so many things holding me back.
i should just continue, and never look back.
for all the things i had done was just redundant.
and yes i love you, and how am i to forget you.
Maybe things will turn out better.


just treat that this never ever happened before.
and it will never happen again.
yes i'm laughing at myself.
i hate everything now, just want to be alone,
until you're here back with me.

Is the fire that kept me going.

It did never light up at all.

what...
falling off.
catch me, just someone

if i should stay, i'll only be in your way.
so i go, but i know i think of you every step on the way.
and i will always love you.

if i should go, will i be hurting you?
so i stay, but we seem to be a distant away.
and i will always love you.

you, my darling you.
bitter sweet memory that's all i'm taking with me.
am i'm not what you need?


brace yourself up.

I totally had no idea what to do next.
WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy
?????????????????????????????????????????

FUCK THE WORLD, FUCK THE PEOPLE, FUCK EXPOSITORY ESSAYS,
FUCK CRTICAL READING, FUCK SMU, FUCK LOVE, FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK LIFE.

It feels like you're jumping a thousand story,
and you'll never know when you'll land.
but when you were about to reach the ground,
something pull you back.
you got saved, but the experience of the jump haunt you as day went by.
And you'll never know when it will happen,
and when it does, you might not be save again.

As days went by, i get stronger.
I'll make you the way you used to be.
I'll try my best to give you what you need right now.
And i know, is not an easy task, but i'll.
Never will i giveup on myself and you.
Never will i giveup this love of ours.

I'll make it through and make it true.
I guessed things will turn out fine.


And this mixed emotions i'm having.
this weird feelings i used to have,
is all back.
and i know it all.

Taurus Horoscope (Apr 20 - May 20)

You have so little resistance to change now that it can get in the way of your happiness. No one else is responsible for your present condition, whether it's good or bad. Don't waste your energy on regret or trying to complete unfinished business. If you've been waiting for a better time to take action, this is it. It's time to let go of your past if it isn't serving you well.

ohmygawd this is so fucking true.
FUCKITFUCKITFUCKIT.
I'M SOOOOO LOSING CONTROL, AND YOU!
LISTEN HARD AND UNDERSTAND IT. $*@#&%!*%*$#%!

We're on the same boat, but you're the one controlling the boat.
i dont know where we are heading to and only you know.
i dont control the boat, but you are.
if you sink i am going to sink.
if you are going to stay put there, then i will also stay put there.
you want to let the wind take us to where we suppose to?
but what if it isn't the way we want to go?
you can control the boat, and you have to.

you wouldn't murdered your beloved one i know.
and if you're dead, i am too.

Is like how your body and mind struggling.
Your inner soul is trapped inside, while you didn't know how to release.
Your mind is in an utter state of confusion, and neither ways seem right.
And all you needed was time to get use to it.
However, note that, holding yourself back and you will never move on in life.
No matter how hard you try to change, and is not the matter of trying hard,
is the matter of accepting the fact of what had happened, and to move on.
Are you able to move on and not hurting the others?
noone see you through, but i feel emptyness within you.
i feel the hollow you, heard the inner soul of yours screaming for help.
all i can do is to see you struggling, no matter how i try to salvage you,
you will refuse the help, cause you want to be strong.
however is that the right way to be strong?
admit the fact you're not strong enough to accept the fact.
you'll never move on, and it will always be empty.

just let me embrace you, everything will be alright.