Is great to know you're back.
and i'm waiting for your call, i guess.

Now, i don't know about you,
but i'm willing.

I forgot to do my assignment!
:(
had band today.
er. feeling rather weird,
i guess?

not a good day though.
i'm lazy to do my work now.
and i hope for tomorrow to end/come fast.

i'm as good as skinless,
so dont touch me.

i just want to continue this boring post,
boring sentences throughout the whole damn post.
cause i dont want to stop.
i never want to end.
especially this love of ours.
i shall never stop, would it?
i guess not.

sigh.
i shall do my work? sleep?
i want to skip school tomorrow. :(
NO! i had groupwork to do.
why aren't you here.
oh yea, i am dying,
as in dying my hair.
=D

i'm BAA-LARRR-DEE RED.

oh.
Baby you make my world goes round,
and i know.

i hate to say this,
but my heart is getting weaker day by day.
as the day is getting closer,
a part of me was anticipating that,
yet the other part of me, wishes it wouldn't come.

sigh.
please give him one more chance.
please just let this be the last one.
please. :(

school has been awesome.
time pass fast.

2 projects up and i'm completing it. XD
i cant draw for goodness sake.
i cant draw.
BUT!
i'll try to draw, i'll try my best to draw,
i'll try my verybest to draw!
sigh.
hope i can make it.

you're always on my mind.
i really want to see you soon,
like really soon.

When everything gets too personal.
It might not be too good.


oh well.
my poly life is definitely great.
as if the flexibility of my course.
i love being treated as adult.
the way everyone is the same.
should i join band or netball?
sigh.

band it shall be.
:D

Tp webpage sucks to like the maximum lo.
fucking lag.
and i cannot log into tp's webmail for whatever reason.
fucking pissed off.
AHHHHHHH.

lectures and all were alright.
assignment(SS) up, but still managable.


one more week to go.
7 more days!
looking at a brighter side, at least is only 1 week,
7days sound long, but 1week sounds faster.
so yep, one more week!
i really hope you're doing fine and all,
love ya baby.
hope everything is really alright.
sigh :(

i got to change my lazy habit.
getting more and more lazy,
more and more stone,
more and more quiet,
mor and more losing my control.

last but not least,
nobody can ever replace you in my heart,
even myself.
dont let go.
i'll hang on.

Feeling so different, uneasy and everything.
sigh.


i really need you i guess.
oh dear, another dreadful week.
:(
i'm so not looking foward to it, skip everything,
lets jump to 29. sigh

i am feeling bloody random now.
and i feel that i am so not gonna be myself,
the whole of next week.
i just know.


aiyah fuck la.
feeling uneasy yet i dont know why.
sigh.
it has been 2 weeks. :(

School starting tomorrow.
oh well.

I'll stay strong and pull right through.
i'm willing to wait as long as you are willing to.
give me one more chance, to help him please?
i know you will.

i dare not think about the future now.
all i want is 29 april to reach. thats all.
another painful week. sigh

i'm at my lowest moment in life.
i wonder how are you doing.
and i really miss you.

all i can do is to wait for 29.

oh yea!
this week totally cool man,
:D
had my tp camp rock like hell lo.
was a loner at first lo,
anyway for the days there, didnt get very high.
wasnt really myself those kinda thing.
feeling quite uncomfortable i guess.
but the camp activites were awesome.
and the director is kinda cool though,
but i think he's weird.
lol.
the gls are damn cool i guess.
love them ALL.
otto was nice to :D
oh well.
the best thing on friday was,
i had 4 hours of pizza with my juniors!
hahahaha.
damn nice damn fun.


while i am enjoying all these,
i really cant take the blow.
the fact that you are in.
i dont know when will we ever meet,
but i know we will someday.
i carry this hope everyday,
to bring myself stronger, to move on,
and eventually to wait for you.
loves.

Whats the problem now?
i am not sure.
should i say,
you really haven mature yet?
should i just blind myself with this.
idk.

whatever you're thinking,
i thought of it.
even those you are not thinking,
i also know.
whatever will happen in the future,
i know.
whatever mistake you might make again,
i know.
whatever fears you have,
i know.
you just cant assure me.
cause you youreslf jolly doesnt trust yourself.
no use telling yourself how useless and lousy you are,
tell yourself how to be useful and good.

i jolly well know the consequence of my decision.
i know i might get hurt again.
i know i am risking.
i know you cant promise.
i know everything clearer than you do,
than anyone else does.
but i will never let go of any mirical that will save you.
i know i cant do this alone.
i know i cant do the talkings and you follow.
i know it really requries your courage, trust confidence
ecverything that you now doesnt have.
and i dont know if you will have it in future.
but i only know,
you will still have me.
and let me be your everything.
your courage, trust and confidence.
so what are you afraid of now.

i really dont know.
i thought, sometimes i need pampering too.
i told you i dont need anything. i'm a liar.
so much i want your attention and care.
so much i wish you would be a great lover.
so much i wish you would be perfect.
so much i wish you can have better temper.
a really good temper, idk.

sometimes i think, why make myself so difficult.
i found an answer,
my heart told me, cause i love you too much.
and what's your?
i dont need your sacrifising love.
i dont need you to tell me seek for a better one.
like i dont know, like i dont know there is many better one out there.
but i will never be better without you.
i just need you to stand up again, and show everyone.
is you, all about you.
it no longer involves you, it invovles me too,
you cant deny this, but it is.

will you be better without me? if yes, tell me.
if one day i tell you, i will be better off without you,
then let me go.
but if i dont, dont ever say that to me.
unless you feel that way too.

idk.
if we ends, many years later,
i know i wil be laughing at my ownb blog entries.
laughing at how dumb how unrealistic i was.
how i live in my own world.
and i believe if that happens, i'll never be the same again.
i'll never be true twice, only once.
and if i fails, i will never be true again,
be realistic people says,
how much does a reality cost?

i asked whether life is a misery or not.
miserable for many things.
never miserable for what i did, my own consequences.
i never do anything wrong, which harm myself.
i never had any wrong concept of life.

but i am feeling damn bloody fucking miserable cause of you.
i should actually laugh,
laugh at all the mistakes that you done.
i can get myself out of this misery, but i didnt.
i choose to stay with you.
i choose to brave through all these with you.
but how about you?

you want me to not help you,
you want me to not wait,
you want me just not to do anything for you.
how can i bear to do these to you?
how can i ever bear to do these to my dear you?

What does life actually had for me?
What will be my future be?
i always believe things are beyond my control,
i make things happen and i creat my own future.
but somehow, this strong mentality in me is dying.
sometimes,
people always have their own flaw,
like who is flawless isnt it?
Even being kind, would be a flaw.
who would think of that?
like overly being kind and thoughtful,
people thinks is harming.
like how you might think, but in some situation it does.
i had been thinking for days.
it doesnt pay to be kind,
nobody will appreciate it.
and even one does, is only that respect and gratitude you earn.
you still get hurt somehow by the people you help.

i mean you can be someone of great personality,
good academic achievements and all.
you live happily on your own.
but just at this time,
you fell into something deep,
something that you never thought will be like this,
something that hold you back for everything,
something which you are willing to give up everything for this,
the happiness you once had, and this is how you screw your own life.
you get troubled worried, sorrows agony because of just this person.
and this person will never appreciate your presence.

at this point of time,
should i gamble with my life and time, for this you.
i dont want to live my life in agony, is not me.
at the same time, i wish you live all the best,
and no mistake should be made from you.
i staked my life, to try to win your assurance.
and this is beyond my control, and i dont know how.

Why cant you just be a man for once?
i dont understand alot of things.
i dont know what you are stressing about.
i dont know what the fuck you are thinking.
i dont understand your replies.

what in the fuck do you fucking want from me.
i dont know what i am doing is right or not.
i just now is very hurting.
i am very hurt
cant you just care for me.
just call and see if i am alright?
what if i really disappear.
you wouldnt even know.
cause you dont bother, you dont.
you really want to wait until a day,
when things get really ugly?
then you will be happy?
like what you are facing now?
is all because of your wrong in the past.
can you just get over it,
what done is done.
then just behave properly, but you are not.

i never ever regretted anything i did for you.
because i am serious.
whatever happens in the past is past,
just let it go.
can you fucking hell understand that.

when she says"you dont even care about me!"
he says"of course i care about you, why do you think
i am trying to solve this problem?"
he is preoccipied with solving a problem that will someway
benefits her,she should that he cares for her.
however, she needs to feel his direct attention and care,
since that is what she is asking for.

im trying to brain wash myself now,
i find it quite true.

Men go to their cave, while women talk.
One of the difference between men and women,
is how they cope with stress.
men become increasingly focused and withdrawn,
while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved.
At this time, a man's need of feeling better is to solve the problem,
while the woman's need is to talk about it.

This is the greatest difference between men and women,
and both party just cant accept each differences.
the men feel that the women talk too much,
while the women feel she is being ignore.
and as these relationship grows,
each becomes distant, and relationship worsen.

idkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidk
idkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidk
idkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidkidk

whatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwant
whatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwant
whatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwantwhatyouwant

i'm feeling rather nostalgic.
i miss the good old days.
alot.
be it with friends or in school.
yea i love it.


and imy alot now.
do take good care of yourself.
loves.
dont lose the battle.

i had been laughing for 2 hours non stop.
since 3 am till now!
全民最大党, this show is damn insulting,
but i like.
HAHA.
i would love to insult big figure too,
but i will get caught in singapore lo!
hoho.


All the lies you said,
i just see through it.
guess what?
i found out something again! you shocked?
hahahaha.
thanks.

i tell you.
fuck all the private blogs,
invited blogs and private friendster.
and fuck all those shout out with,
view add and leave comment.
and really fuck those with private profile,
and leave a shout out asking people to add.
you can go like your dad's penis,
cunt face.

dont create a damn bloody blog if you have it private or invited.
then whats the fucking use.
tmd.
you think people read your blog cause they likes you,
some just want to know how riddiculous nowadays typical singaporean are.
seeing idiots living in their own world,
makes me feel better.
idiots which think they got substance and are successful.
please.
stop living in fantasy.
thick skin people do own,
cause they are thick skin.
FUCK.

i am fucking highly agitated for idk what
:( bye

You make me tired.
sick of waiting.
waiting for replies of sms,
waiting for your calls,
waiting to catch you attention,
because you want to cool down.
then cause i make you feel so?
idk why.

i am feeling paranoid yes i am.
i am fretting about idk what.
i cant help it.
i just feel like you know,
end myself.
cause i cant live if living is without you.
true enough.

I never like to wait.
I never like that.

some says, one learn when they get hurt.
like you get burn when you place your hand on a cooking pot,
you learn not to place your hand on the pot again.
can you learn from what you are undergoing now?
can you learn from the thing that makes you hurt.
what makes you in this situation now,
you should know.

what can i do when you want to quiet down.
what?
i'll just wait, wait for you to straighten your thoughts.


i hope you will not misbehave.
i hope you will be a better person.
i hope you will try your best.
i hope you will be....
perfect.

you dont need others to give you that chance.
if you want to prove
even if it's 1 or 2 years, is not too late.
if you dont do any wrong you are already proving yourself.
if you watch over yourself, then nothing will go wrong.

i'll wait for you, till the time comes.
no matter what.
i said it, i mean it.
even if the whole world came crashing down on you,
you'll always have me with you.
even if everyone abandoned you,
i'll still embrace you in my arm.

so tell me,
do you give me this chance to wait.
do you give yourself this last chance even though what you're facing is hell.
it will be over soon my dear.
it will.
you got to stand up on your feet,
and show everyone what you are made up of.
cause whatever the result is whatever the consequences are,
everything will still be same,
for the love i have for you willeven be stronger that the past.
you'll still have me with you.
this i promise you.

baby,
ily. i really really do.
i dont mean to fell so deep for you,
and i will hang on no matter what,
till the end of time i will.
i hope you do.
:D loves

IcantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepIcantsleep
icantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepIcantsleepicantsleepicantsleep
Icantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleepicantsleep
pickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphone
pickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphone pickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphonepickupphone

i wonder how guilty people get to sleep.
i dont know,
cause i never feel guilty before.
but,
i now how worried people cant get to sleep.
cause i am always being worried.
and now i am veryveryveryveryvery worried to the max,
of the max that you dont know which max.

ok fuck.
screw it.
my heart is feeling weird,
and i dont like it.
is coming back, the feeling is. :(

Lovesick.

very sick.
i'm very tired.
shall go rest.


just give me an answer.

When someone is down on luck,
everything will seemed wrong.
nothing will be right.



seahshiyun,
every god damn little thing is your damn fault.
you had been a fool,
and now wake up, is time to move on.
better road lies ahead,
nobody love you,
and so love yourself more.
cause noone wil lever understand the situation you're in.
even him,
the you think is your closest one.
just laugh.
dont stop.

Having so much to say,
but words always seemed to stuck.

i just hope everything is fine.
We're fine, but they're not.
Hope you will pass this ordeal.


poly is starting.
oh dear.
i am getting my tablet pc, bag soon!
and i did really save!
but i spent on in a day.
i need pay i need work,
i want to see my kids and i want to teach.
:(

Is not only about the amount of money you earn,
is about the value of these money.
sometimes is more than money you earn,
is fun,hardwork and respect.


stop thinking that we will spilt and not stick to the end.
if you already have this mentality then how is it going to last?
is true we need friend in poly,
but if some of us gonna put them before us,
then obviously we gonna spilt.
but if we are willing to put one another before the others,
are willing to fork out time for each others,
are willing to help each other,
are willing to just START A BLOODY CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER,
things wouldnt be this way.
so yea just cheerup lovelies.
it doesnt mean if one person cannot meet up,
we all cant meet up.
still can carry on!
even if we meet up once in a month,
but still talk and contact,
that once in a month,
will be a damn fruitful and lovely one.
:D
absence make the heart grow fonder.
:D

Do you know?!
that you can change your chinese name to english.
like!
shiyun to shiryu.
or or,
jiaqian to jaychen.


i hate being a chinese,
oh i hate chinese,
hi hao wo de peng you.

i am a mixed blood.
dont tell you what blood.
YA RIGHT!
maybe your mom's blood mixed with your dad's blood.
ya 'mixblood'
sucker, suckthat!

HAHA!
i hate those idiots,
who cant accept themselves for who they are.
try to change everything.
think about it,
if you cant even accept yourself for who you are,
then how can other accept you.
look at all those people around you,
all are fakes.
none is real.


this is singapore, not australia.
wake the fuck up.

I tell you what is the new trend.

the new trend now is,
either you be a model or a photographer,
or just open a blogshop and sell,
tees, nf pants/jeans, mirror and youknowwhatelse.
seriously,
i dont understand why media is giving such attention to such people.
actually,
model are bad looking,
but they got height,figure and the x factor.
the, you know feeling.
some people might be ugly,
but they looked really nice on abstract photos,
exaggerating makeups and all.
some people might be pretty,
but they sucked in those.
and they just dont have the feel of a model!
media is so giving the wrong attention lo.
cant they have abit of class?
everywhere you see is free photoshot,
free photos given, cheap photoshots.
fucking totally no class.

people like sl and ia,
totally piss the shit out of me.
totally got no substance!

everyone is taking photos of the same thing.
same angel same everything.
that must be more in photography isnt it.
those are common,
i know you feel woah when you see yourself taking
the same kinda of photo like those on the web.
but it seems like everyone is knowing it now.


actually i just feel that,
singapore is too typical.
and the differences between the upper and lower classes are too huge.
is like people in prestige school are really good,
mature in thinking like those european country.
while the lower classes are just trying to be like
taiwan or japan's media.
walao.
totally gone la.


ok, i am gone whinning.
i hope people do accept reality.
a quantity comment from a kind is nothing.
a quality comment from different kind if something.

so what's next?!

back to lysb.
met up with my beloved juniors.
hoho,
miss them so much.
:D
especially my section , DUH!
lol.


been a nong nong time since i met my butts.
is alright.
shall meet up soon.
meeting shanshan tomorrow.
:D


muttons: HI MISS SHANSHAN!
shanshan: ya hi.
muttons: so miss shanshan are you very skinny?
shanshan: er nope.
muttons: then you should be named PUIPUI!

LOL.
if you get what they meant.
:D
quek yu pui?
i still LURBE EUU!

Is 5:20am now and i cant get to sleep.
feeling damn hyper.
oh dear.
i think i'm falling in love with 歐漢聲歐弟.
lol :D

i still love you verymuch,
and to tell you the fact,
you had already top my heart.
loves. :D

OMFGODZXZXZXZXZXZXZ.

my school orientation is a 4 days and 2 night camp!
2 night lei.
i am gonna miss my baby so much.
WTF LA!
need to wear swimming costume sio.
later i make too many friends,
very busy one lo!
LOL

andand,
my bro cheated my feelings,
no more buffet la.
wtf lo.
:(


andandand,
i am so freaking bored.
ohdear.
should i join band in tp?
but tpband not good,
but i dont want to end my saxophone passion.
but i feel like joining sports.
but but but.
SHUT UP LA SEAHSHIYUN!
lol.


okay,
this is madness.
i am going insane
imyimyimyimyimy

不管未来会怎麽样
至少我们现在很开心
不管结局会怎麽样
至少想念的人是你
我不会把它当作游戏
因为我真心对你
我不管未来会怎麽样
但我每天都想见到你
我不管结局会怎麽样
我想真的跟你在一起
如果你还是没法相信
真的没关系我会安静的离去

oh well,
my beloved butts are all attending school!
only me.
wishes them all the best!

i miss those times.
i still hope we did stick till the end.
i still remember,

it started with the 4 of us.
we had fun.
our home econ lesson,
projects, basically all lessons,
we still joke.
school were never bored with you guys.
i remember,
how i and leong prank on the others,
damn boliao lo. LOL
we spent like thousands on neoprints.
and the days we played in the rain,
silly acts,
intimating the others.
everything.
didnt know why we were so silly back then.
we love to disturb passerby.
making them uneasy.
LOL.
wonder why we didnt get beaten up!
during sec 2,
we had 2 juniors tagged along.
damn happening.
sentosa, bowling,
rollerblading, neoprints,
and horror movies.
we went each other house,
took it as if it was ours own.
XD
during the third year,
the other 3 came in.
HAHA.
so yep.
we started of giving each other birthday surprise,
and it always screwed up!
haha.
nicest one was i think,
yushan's! we had the beach light up with her name,
YET! it started to rain HEAVILY.
haha.
the most touching one was,
grace, she almost CRIED!
it was a success lo.
and the lousiest one was leong's.
haha.
such a nice plan, screwed by her dad!

then we went sec 4,
so the number decreased by 2.
haha.
we all had o's.
we always walked from school to dte,
mac cafe and mugged.
crapped infact.
hoho!
we encouraged each other as we move on,
help each other out,
and wasnt stingy to one another.
then the group gets bigger.
more outing and everything.
the bbq, steamboat gathering,
science centre, shopping,
wendii's celebration, ny countdown,
movie marathon at ry's house, prata.
haha.
everything was so happy and beautiful back then.
we were very innocent i guess.
you know,
blogger wouldnt have enough space for me to type everything
that had happened.
there was much more.
and leong's acts need more space than all these!
haha.

i just miss those innocent time,
the secret admirer, the little fame,
the confidence, and the love.

i want to thank clara,leong,grace
for being with me during my 'depression' state.
haha!
oh well thanks many.

now i wish we still stick on to the end.
but with different perspective,
and the different needs,
it might be so difficult.
till then,
i hope some will still chill out together.
and!
please answer the phone la bung.
haha.

i love you guys alot,
and i'm tearing now.
i wish i am 13 now.
so carefree.

walao.

i tell you,
i didnt eat anything today,
i thought i cant tahan man,
so i ordered mac.
WALAO!
guess what?
the moment i started eating,
i dont feel like eating le.
waste m fucking money.
FUCK!

nehmind.

i need to buy lots of things.
pants, laptop, bag, stationaries,
pencilbox and accessories.
walao.


i ate 5 chawamushi yesterday.
HAHA.

looking forward to the buffet this week.
40 plus bucks person eh.
so haolian,
hope i bloated till die.

ilalch.
i'm serious, with what i said.
:D