Stop procrastinating and move on.

i have no idea what to do now. i dont feel like drawing my design neither do i feel like rendering. i am so lost like a motherfucking bitch i swear. i dont know how to carry on, though i do have a fantastic idea/design in my mind, all these can only be visualize/pictured in my fucking genuis brain(lol) but my fucking mouth and hand cant just it out. i think is because my mouth is only good in eating(duh) and talking cock(DUH). and my hand is just good at ??? maybe this, _I_, yes pointing middle finger. i've got no idea what to do for interim 2 but to talk cock sing song, and get a shitload of humilations, which i think i wouldnt even be bother about it.
i dont know why i just want to start on my final model, i want to construct that piece of shit as soon im done with the cunt bridge. argh. i dont know what to draw, cause my design is so complicated, what more, i gave myself a tough challenge with many restrictions, yes the whole class im the only idiot who did that, and i dont feel like continueing with whatever fuck i had been doing.
what worst is if i dont score well for it, which i think i wouldnt, cause it's not as fantastic as it should be. i really am not satisfied with my work, and seems like my lecturer doesnt like it.
Like as if i give a flying fuck about Tp band, but i really do miss playing in the band. so i dont know why i feel like this, but i guess is a habit already, hello, 4 years already.
anyway, im done ranting, but not even started with rendering, how and where do i start? :(

OMG, panda is soooo cute! lol. somehow panda reminds me of ahma, cause my aham is as cute as it yo! lol. today is the 49th day of ahma's death. woah time pass damn fast. didnt realise it has been so long, so long of having no ahma in life, no good food. oh well.
i really really dont even want to start on my final model, because idk why. somehow i think my design kind of suck so much. SO much of a good start, and a stupid area. i don't know what to do now. train of thoughts are so long that i dont even know where to start from.
JOGGING LATER ON! :D

i really want to loose 10 kg now, right now. i feel so bad eating that plate of kway teow and chicken wing. so sad. omg, i so want to loose weight la, i want to run exercise anything that can help me loose weight on earth. :( :( :( :( :( :(

maybe sometimes is better for us not to think that much, not to judge too much, not to share too much. lets learn to rely and trust ourselves more. :D

somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true.

<3

i want abs abs abs abs abs, slim slim slim slim slim slim.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK UP LIKE RFESORFWAJRFKQOWEQWJDA !

did i ever tell you that you're my hero?
WHAT! WHAT!? stupid dream.
okay, i seriously dont know what nonsense i type, i think im missing something.
got to sleep, got to catch em all. HAHAHA

is to resist the temptation of food! i just cant stop, and i become fat just like that!

"A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and bing understood."
"To forget her own painful feelings a woman may become emotionally involved in the problems of others."

well is does make alot of sense. sometimes i really feel ignorance is really a blessing. Now dont think too much, dont consider so much, laugh at everything possible. Well we always never get to see the wonders of letting go. it isnt kinda bad anyway. after all, the best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way. similarly, to change one self, we need to let go of ownself, the stubborn mentality, that own judgement, that is never right. what you feel you gained might not be right, do you have what it takes to be doing all these.

an awfully long post here, dont think there would be people who is willing to read all these, but well, i am not thinking straight here. somehow, i should stop having too much thoughts, those thoughts that make you ponder so hard, that wtf, you never get it right, never.

was flipping through my drawers today, and i found a box of neoprints! lol from sec 1 all the way till 4. if one neoprint cause a dollar, then i would or rather we would be rich people now! lol. pictures really do speak a thousand words. those people who came by and gone also do leave an impact on us i guess. but the 4 of us still stand strong till now, together with the rest :D
we used to spend our money on such things, at time when we are in need of cash, we think that we shouldnt spend much money on such nonsense, but hell no. it does really worth so much than our clothings. haha. that few minutes of shoots are really so priceless. hahaha. oh well.
and i found this sweetest card ever made by TSX. haha. the card really made be close to tears.
the messages and she noted everything that we do during sec school days. from the bus number, to my character, to friends, to bubble tea, to everything! hahaha. and she even wrote a line that kinda make me giggle: please stop getting into troubles. haha.
cant believe that is close to 5 years now. and we had been hanging out for 5 years! same old faces and characters. lol. since sec 1 we had been meeting up everyday for different activites. it made me somewhat want to go back, yet i know something is pulling me back. WELL, MOVE ON PEOPLE MOVE ON. WE HAVE TO :D

OK I SO MISS MY BRACES NOW, AND I WANT IT BACK ON MY TEETH. LIKE BEFORE JUST LIKE BEFORE. LOL

Had dinner with ryu and brandon at the barks.
was kind of weird yet enjoyable. two of them still the same, funny in their own way.
haha. those kind of humour. oh well.

tomorrow dinner with shixian and joanne, two bitches.
LOL
bark is a really good place to hang out, shall go there more often :D

heard this in subway with pang and jonathan (:

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girlsI’d make out with who I wanted
And never get busted for it
Because they’d stick up for me
If I were a boy
I think that I'd understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boyI could just turn off my phone
And tell her that its broken
So she'd think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself firstAnd make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (waiting for me)
If I were a boyI think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrongBut you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to herYou don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…

fat old fat old fat old fat old fat old.
THAT'S ME!
:(


happy sweet 17 birthday leong.
getting to know you is such a blessing. after knowing you, i then realise that i got third eye, to see one. and though you were different from earth, you are friendly and fun! HAHAHAHA. we shall meet up to have regular gym soon, since you are moving in! oh yeaaaaaa. then you will get to see my pretty face regularly too. ^^
do what you can achieve and stop scaring people! and start to tame yourself. lol

crit was bad. i think? though not much negative feedbacks, but positive feedbacks werent alot either. no i should not be feeling bad cause i didnt do alot. but oh well. i want to catch up so much now. my mind is quite blank now. like how. how. how. how. how. why am i dropping so much now? why at such moment? i dont know! ah fuck it uh.

i know there's some redundant stuffs going on through my mind, i dont know how, how to solve it. ah fuck. No serious shit here, i need a hero to save me. so now where's he?

woah, i think this is the best and most healthy meal i had after 439141984910841 of years. :D
and i finally succeeded in making two mobius strip, into two pair of interlocking heart. woah. i damn awesome.

things to do:
add more stuffs into port folio.
start more ideation.
start doing site to scale.

BYEEEEE! :DDDDD

mobius strip, proj, portfolio, ideation, sketches, cup noodle, toilet, songs of bread, cut, snip,mobius strip, proj, portfolio, ideation, sketches, cup noodle, toilet,songs of bread, cut, snip, mobius strip, proj, portfolio, ideation, sketches, cup noodle, toilet, songs of bread, cut, snip, mobius strip, proj, portfolio, ideation, sketches, cup noodle, toilet, songs of bread, cut, snip, mobius strip, proj, portfolio, ideation, sketches, cup noodle, toilet, songs of bread, cut, snip.
it goes on and on and on like a mobius strip. WOAH! i damn smart uh. i haven see ahma for 2 weeks i miss her badly. shall go pay respect to her soon.

mark was a serious cock. he said that fried egg in chinese is zha dan. lol, direct translation. he doesnt admit he is wrong just because, fried chicken in chinese is zha ji. lol. and he wanted to ask us to line up, so he said eh! xian shang. wtf, wtf! his chinese so cannot make it la. lol!

concert was better than expected, and i grew some ball to play my solo. it wasnt well done, but at least i played. wrong sound better than no sound? we camwhore like mad, and i nearly fell when mark piggy back me the second time. he damn damn damn noob uh.

met jonathan and co and went over mark's house. lol. frank never failed to make me laugh like mad. i got a little high and started talking cock. but i thought i was alright. BUT! according to jonathan he said i was DAMN high and started screaming in the middle of the road. oh well. and then i had a very bad hungover. kept puking like a bitch and it was so horrible. had laksa at marks house but i couldnt even finish a small bowl. wanted to go have chicken rice with ivan and all, but was feeling too uncomfortable. came back home at 4, and slept all the way till 7 plus? dad just had to ask me up for dinner. haha. and i finally get to see him! :D

IM SO GONNA RUSH MY PROJECT TOMORROW! :D

tomorrow is concert and im so not looking foward to it. i had quite a happy day on the firt half of the day, having lunch with alex and co, and then having kinda good marks for drawing essen. then concert tech. run was fucking fuck up. it sounds so DIWORFJASDAWRFUIWARFJ!~*@$!@ ! and i swear my mind was totally blank, i cant feel beats and i cant feel myself i cant feel anything uh. i cant fucking play symphonic dances at all, and the rest is like shit. i barely practise the score, since everything was so fucking fucking pack. AH FUCK. i swear i feeling damn fuck up now, and the worst is, i cant fucking play the short solo at all. cause i damn scared like fuck, and seriously doesnt want to screw up evrything when judith and that whoever played so well. i seriosuly dw to drag everything down uh. omg. why why why sack jonathan WHY! if only he is still in the band uh, then walao, at least he is there to guide me know. ah knn. ah nb. ah cb, ah lj. ah lp. i seriously hate myself so much for now, and i stil have got models to do. and i feel so lost now. i so want to fucking score la. i've been so on track now, i cant afford to fall off uh. CB!

there's many stuffs on my mind, and i realise this isnt great at all. and im in this all alone. oh fuck.

I SERIOUSLY AM DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN HAPPY, SHOCK, TOUCHED AND ANYTHING THAT DESCRIBE A POSITIVE FEELING ON EARTH!

I WANT TO THANK ALL THOSE BITCHES THAT CELEBRATED MY BELATED BIRTHDAY FOR ME, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME DAMN DISAPPOINTED YESTERDAY, YET DAMN DAMN DAMN ELATED THE NEXT MOMENT, WHICH IS TODAY! HAHAHA YOU GUYS SUCCEEDED.

I JUST KNOW YOU WOULDNT FORGET THE CUTE AND SEXY AND PRETTY ME LO! ANYWAY THANK YOU SO MUCH, THOUGH I DIDNT TEAR, BUT BUT BUT BUT! I WAS REALLY TOUCH. HAHAHAH LOVESSSSS MAN!

AND THANKS BILLY AND BJ AND JY FOR THE PRESENTS. AND THANKS THANKS THANKS, JONATHAN AND CO FOR ACCOMPANYING ME YESTERDAY! WOOTS. AND SMASHING TARTS ON MY FACE.

OK THIS IS A POST DEFINITELY FILLED WITH LOVE. AND ONCE AGAIN IM YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY SEVENTEEN! :D

okay fuck, i have got sketches and composition to do, i haven even started fuck it!

much loves.

I wait for the lord, my soul waits, and in his word, i put my hope. :D

this is so ain't you, and i remember you were always against such stuffs, but anyway,
many thanks and muchmuch loves (: you know i always do.

thanks and list down everyone who wish me happy birthday, according to time and name, then i try to act like as if im damn famous! hahaha. oh well, i think i should skip that and....

WTF! HAHAHAHAHAHA. I ROLL OFF MY BED WHEN I WAS SLEEPING JUST NOW. IDK WHY. THINK IM TOO FAT THAT IM IN A SHAPE OF A BALL. BUT I DAMN CUTE UH! HAHAHAHA

went voluntary today. (:
we had a mini game, was quite interesting. we were supposed to write down 8 things that are close to our heart. i wrote, love, joy, happiness, music, design, fashion, family and friends. so we were supposed to give away 4 of these, i gave love, joy, hapiness and music. and till the end, i was left with family and friends, suprisingly, i kept the both of them. that really keeps me thinking, like none stop. hahs

Dinner at fish and co was well spent with loves. words cant describe my feelings, but im really thankful! :D LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

gonna be a busy week ahead. reaching home later than 11 eveyday sucks! concert day is coming, not that looking foward to it. BUT! we gonna stay over at mark's house and the next day i'm going leong's house! wooooooooooo. happy weekend! AND TOMORROW IS BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY! :D

You fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trickI never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mindSo you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

if i were born an artist, then everything i do would be great!
if i were born hardworking, woah! then i'll be damn hardworking! haha.
if i were born a musician, then i wouldnt be so scared of disgracing myself.
if i were born smart, i might already be in hwa chong now.

THAT IS ALL IF!

so, if you feel that, you blame everything on earth, you think that the guy should wear pink today, you feel that the trees shouldnt be that tall, you feel that the earth shouldnt be round, you blame everything on earth for the mistake you had done. you blame everyone except yourself. work produced might be nothing on earth, humilation makes you feel like nothing on earth, but if you can even believe in yourself, and hope for thing to change for the better, then fuck off.

if not just go and suck ballz.

Is amazing how someone create a picture with ink on a blank white piece of paper. from nothing you develope into a picture, using your own hand and a simple tool, pen/pencil. it starts from marking point, estimation, perpective, eye level, outline, details, shading, volume, dimension and how oher little elements of the surrounding enhances the whole picture, it makes you go wow. you wow at the person who is drawing, you wow at the speed of the person draws, you wow at the way the person take down every single detail, you wow and thinks that it is easy. every details on the facade, you capture it you see it, but somehow you just cant draw it out. you dont know why the whole row of shop houses look like nothing on earth. you dont know why the angles are all wrong. you thought you could do it, the way the person did it. but it was all wrong. sometimes, from the moment you start drawing, when it goes well, the whole picture goes damn well, but if you makes a few mistake at the first part, you just feel like tearing your paper up. i really fucking feel like tearing my fucking paper up. maybe my foliage drawing is too quaint, but at least i think it looks fucking nice. but now, the whole row of shophouses, just looks like nothing on earth. i cant do this, i cant capture and draw out details i see. i can't do it. from many things i captured and learnt i went blank. and now im back to square one.

i think i should start having a tittle for each post! :)
today i'm feeling, lazy, empty, tired, sleepy and uneasy day. somehow, i feel nostalgic. many flashbacks start appearing in my mind, and i wonder why. i had been living off well, so please spare me. somehow i got this, i feel neither here nor there, like hanging half way, on the loose or what so ever.
and i cant wait for running! :D cant wait to loose fat, somehow, i really am so fat that i feel so much heavier nowadays, so heavy that i cant lift up my feet, i feel lazier doing anything. and when i sit and stonned, i really stonned for hours. i think and then again, i dont. i dont know. i dont understand, and i dont care. the belief once so strong is killing me.

cheesy cheese hotdoggggggggggggggggggggggggg!
Nothing taste better than that!

Just because i want to blog about how cock my mom is, so im back here.
i tell you, my mom is the biggest cock on earth, and that maybe explains why i got
1/10 of retarded-ness. if not i would be a total genius that rocks everybody i tell you! haha.

i was in my room like using the laptop as usual, cockmama opens the door with a plate of oranges in her hand. she looked at me in the most frantic look ever, and said: this oranges very nice one, it helps you with digestion and all, eat it. no regret one, i bet you will come begging me for more." while she were talking, she were busy tearing the oranges apart, then i look at her with the most wtf look ever, and before i can react she literally forced the oranges into my mouth. Alright, i got to admit that the oranges were really sweet, then she went out of the room, i think to feed my dad too, she shouted in the most annoying voice ever, ' VERY NICE RIGHT! WAHAHA'. then before my brain can like response, she appeared again my room, and says" still want somemore not? want not want not?" she sounds so excited for fuck then i couldnt say no, and yes she stuff the other oranges in m y mouth again. and did i mention the way she tear the oranges were damn gross like it wasnt a full whole nice piece of orange, it was like half piece with another half hanging.
by right it should be such a sweet motherly scene, but it just doesnt suit a cockmama like her.
oh well.

Went back to school on a saturday just to get this shit charcoal drawing done! this is my first attempt! :))
i feel damn healthy today, cause i did damn healthy stuffs today! hahaha.
today was a great day though activities were simple, it gave me a sense of satisfaction!
JUNJUN! DON'T give up! woah! i sound damn gross here uh, but anyway try your best yo!

Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.
Love helps him to know that he is enough to fulfilled others. :)

Tagged by weelyn OH!
1. Your relationship with him/her is?
-i'm her owner
2. Your five impressions of him/her?
-IDIOT, RETARDED, STUPID, SHORT, ROUND!
3. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
-clean my wound for me, since im her owner! lol
4.The most memorable thing he/she had said to you?
- she ate a dog.
5.What kind of guy/girl he/she like?
- she likes girl/boy like me.
6.If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
-whack her everyday
7. If he/she becomes your lover, the thing he/she has to improve on will be?
-STOP TSK-ING!
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
-i will lose a pet. HAHAHAHA
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
-she TSK TOO MUCH
10. The most desired thing that you want to do for him/her now is:
-the most desire thing she wants me to do for her! =D
11. Your overall impression of him/her is?
- AWESOME!
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
-PRETTY, CUTE, KIND, SEXY, SMART, HUMOROUS, GENTLE, HUMBLE, HONEST, CARING, SWEET, ANYTHING NICE ON EARTH UH!
13. The characters you love of yourself are:
-PRETTY, CUTE, KIND, SEXY, SMART, HUMOROUS, GENTLE, HUMBLE, HONEST, CARING, SWEET, ANYTHING NICE ON EARTH UH!
14. On the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are:
- I'M TOO PRETTY, CUTE, KIND, SEXY, SMART, HUMOROUS, GENTLE, HUMBLE, HONEST, CARING, SWEET, ANYTHING NICE ON EARTH UH!
15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
-SEAHSHIYUN
16.For people that care and like you, say something to them:
-xoxo.
17. Pass this Quiz to 10 people.(These are just random names in random order by the way)
[1] leong[2] clara[3] jaslyn[4] bijun[5] weng guan[6] grace[7] quek[8] felicia[9] wendii[10] shixian
18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
- HAHA, her dad.
19. Is no.9 a male or female?
-female.
20. If no.7 and 8 are together, will it be a good thing?
-damn good uh! then feli can freeze quek with her coldness, and quek can laugh out damn loud to feli's cold joke to make her feel good!
21. What is no.2 studying about?
101 ways of xiao gui's life
22.When was the last time you had a chat with no. 5?
-31 october
23. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
-gay music.
24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
-yep.
25. Will you woo no.3 ?
-HAHAA, unless i want to be deaf uh!
26. Is no.4 single?
-nope, married to weng guan
27. What is the surname of no.5 ?
-LOW! apple bottom jeans jeans~ ok, damn lame
28. What's the hobby of no.4?
-beating her own face
29. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
-I DONT THINK THEY WILL.
30. Where is no.2 studying at?
-oversea student.
31. Talk something casually about no.1?
-halloween is her day!
32. Have you tried developing feelings for no.8 ?
-i tried, but she keeps detroying the world! so evil!
33. Where does no.9 live at?
-tamp.
34. What colour does no.4 like?
-green?
35. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
-CAN be.
36. Does no.7 like no.2 ?
-of course, black and white contrast well!
37. How do you get to know no.2 ?
Netball!
38. Does no.1 have any pets?
-yes, herself
39. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
- how can anyone be, when i myself is the sexiest person on earth!
40. Is no.10 tall?
-alright lo.

WOAH! damn fun uh! lol
drew, planned, ate, slacked, trained, laughed, chat and bused home today.
:D