i just need to rant so much now.
Posted on Friday, November 14, 2008, at 12:23 AM
tomorrow is concert and im so not looking foward to it. i had quite a happy day on the firt half of the day, having lunch with alex and co, and then having kinda good marks for drawing essen. then concert tech. run was fucking fuck up. it sounds so DIWORFJASDAWRFUIWARFJ!~*@$!@ ! and i swear my mind was totally blank, i cant feel beats and i cant feel myself i cant feel anything uh. i cant fucking play symphonic dances at all, and the rest is like shit. i barely practise the score, since everything was so fucking fucking pack. AH FUCK. i swear i feeling damn fuck up now, and the worst is, i cant fucking play the short solo at all. cause i damn scared like fuck, and seriously doesnt want to screw up evrything when judith and that whoever played so well. i seriosuly dw to drag everything down uh. omg. why why why sack jonathan WHY! if only he is still in the band uh, then walao, at least he is there to guide me know. ah knn. ah nb. ah cb, ah lj. ah lp. i seriously hate myself so much for now, and i stil have got models to do. and i feel so lost now. i so want to fucking score la. i've been so on track now, i cant afford to fall off uh. CB! there's many stuffs on my mind, and i realise this isnt great at all. and im in this all alone. oh fuck.